Current mood:	apathetic
Current music:	And i think its kind of funny, i think its kind of sad.....

OMG!
Ergh, i dont know what to do with myself lately. I've become more and more apathic (apathetic?). I just sit and play stupid games and argue with people who do the exact same thing. Its horrible. I try to find adventures in people im not, in books in d&d in movies. it sucks. I always say im trying harder but i just cant concrete myself to do litlte things like homework. I dont know where im going to college, i dont know what im going to do with my life. Its so fucking confusing. I dont know anything, yet i know everything. I feel like im a whiny agnsty teenage goth. But I try not to whine, hate the kids who go goth because they think its cool and will laugh with anyone at the angst. In Health today patty came. This is the second time i've heard her speech but it still gets me. Why the hell am i complaining? she got a masters and a bachelors degree yet i cant move my dead ass to do simple little busywork. O, and as a result of not doing the busywork i have NO FUCKING CLUE what's going on in math half the time.

CLASSES I WILL MOST LIKELY FAIL THIS YEAR:
Precalc (NO idea what's going on)
Physics (i know it, i just keep messing it up)
Health (for the SECOND time.)

I dont know what to do or when to do it. I dont know who to talk to. I feel like a leech in a group. I hang on, i talk, i laugh, i listen, but i feel so goddam detached. Im a manwhore because its the only time i feel alive. I dont know what's going on anymore. I cant trust anyone, i need to trust people, but i think i cant. someone says something simple and i read too far into it, but sometimes i dont. you see what i mean? its all so confusing.

My head hurts. When i was younger i always read. People thought i was a genius because i could grasp concepts quickly when they're explained to me. IM NOT A GENIUS! ITS ALL SMOKE AND MIRRORS! I memorize little facts and try to pass them off as intelligence. I can draw a picture in my mind and try to shape reality to fit that. But math doesnt fit the picture. so i fail it.

I guess im just gonna hand in like 100 points worth of electives the next elective due date so i dont fail health agian. I hate it. its so monotinous.

I wish i knew how to deal with people. Back in 3rd grade when people were learning from thier friends how to deal with people, i was in a new school, dealing with new kids and getting in fights. I never learned. and in middle school i was a total recluse. I dont know what to do anymore.

I need you to tell me that you love me. I need to know im wanted. I need to find that ounce of support to keep my drive stimulated. I dont know. say something.